For me, the experience goes like this:

You are in an constant state of flow, and you think you are not going to break – actually, you do not understand why people break, why do they need to stop, and why do they many of the things they do (the only reason could be they the do not know what to do with the seconds that have been allocated to them, and that seems really weird, considering all the things you have to do).

Sometimes you feel the need to stop…but it must be because of another things, not because you are tired (how could you be tired from something as wonderful as trying to become “the youngest smartest fastest most daring most broadly educated highest iq’d phd’d nobel prized ivy leagued quantum genius prodigy in the world ever.”?). Somehow you are able to ignore the fact that most of the really famous people in science lived pretty tragic lives, because, you know, that is not going to happen to YOU (I am beginning to thing that the real purpose of academia is that this kind of people do not feel lonely).

Until one day, all begins to be meaningless. And then the trouble begins…Eventually, it ends, and you begin to enjoy life again. You are wiser, but you are not really able to recapture the illusion. I suppose that is what is called “growing up”.

Your blog is great, by the way.

Note: This was written in a feverish state and in a foreign language.

Thank you for contributing your story.

This really strikes a chord. Particularly your points about “imposter syndrome” and “being pushed for achievement”. I’ve entered the work force early on (at fifteen), since my “crisis” (upon entry to high school) happened to be at the same time time as the dot-com boom (and then – as now – I am living in the Silicon Valley)

I may have not done my homework, but this is first time I hear about the “imposter syndrome” and I have to say this is a very helpful paradigm for me. Often times, especially when starting new jobs, I was asking myself “is this even a real job?” or “did I just charm my way in through the interview?” and even seeing (externally) the value of my work to my employer and my ability to succeed at the job (vs. just get hired) didn’t immediately quiet this fear.

I’ve also felt the pressure from “careerist” friends/acquaintances to demand raises in terms of salary and title (or suggestions that I job hop, giving up doing what I enjoy in favour of something more grandiose-sounding).

Taking the break and relaxing really is the key here. I am very glad I took a break to attend college (after graduating high school). I am glad I am also taking time to pursue part-time graduate school (and have a personal life) versus (going the very tempting route) of starting my own business. Slowing the pace and relaxing (at certain times) can also help address the “imposter” fear by demonstrating the ability to stick with something.

Thanks for writing this,

That doesn’t mean that wee hours are always bad, though. Sometimes, you have no choice. And sometimes, love wouldn’t have you any other way!

I guess that’s true. Sometimes, however, it seems that joy just strikes me.

Cheers,

Or in the broader scheme of life, is what I am pursuing really helping me achieve my life’s goals, or is this some short stint that will allow me to stick yet another feather in my cap? Society will push you on, and sometimes, you need a brake button not because you need to slow down, but because you want to stop and reconsider the deeper meaning of your actions.

Thank you,